Monday, April 21, 2008

lazyming ends.

My life is unsettled.

Let me blog it all out since im feeling a little emo now eh.
Sometimes, sitting alone makes me think of lots of things.
For instance, is laziness changing my life?
Or is it the closure of ssc that changed it instead?

Lazyming lazyming, I long wanted to change to a new email.
I cld'nt be lazy all my life, I need to work hard.
Like my parents said, working hard is for my own good in future, not anyone else.
I'm now, without a school, without a cert or anything.
Cert? Yes, N levels cert? PSLE cert?
That'll only let ppl laugh the fuck out of me.

Thinking back, ssc closure changed my daily routine.
I used to go to ssc everyday, and when exams are around the corner, I know how to put a stop.
After ssc closed, I failed my O's and now I got nowhere to go.
Is ssc's closure just a lame excuse for me? Maybe.

A thousand more regrets unraveling.
I've made so many mistakes in my life, I've said this many many times.
If only I could turn back time and undo them, yes, IF ONLY.

I've lots of debts, because of? Soccer betting.
What the hell was I thinking at the moment, when I placed huge bets after huge bets?
And needing my brother to settle a $800 dollar debt for me.
And needing my friends around to lend me money when they don't seem to have enough for themselves.
Just what is going through my mind?
Am I walking the right path in life?
I think obviously not.

My life is in my own hands, and I'm just ruining it.
No school no job no nothing.
Sometimes I just felt like giving up.
Slack my life away and thats how its gonna be.
But I have to pay back my parents in the future.
I want them to live in luxury and not being disappointed in such a son like me.
But I'm not making any move to accomplish it.

Whats with my childhood dream?
Being a police? Sounds easier said than done.
Indeed yeah, childhood DREAM.
My life is turning into a nightmare at this point of time.
Can someone just fucking wake me up?
No, don't try to console me, i'm inconsolable.
I brought this upon myself, who is to blame?
Nobody but myself.

Everyone's moving on well with their life,
but definitely not me.
Is this a feeling of emptiness?
Or am I having severe depression?
I can laugh smile talk to anyone when I'm out.
But deep inside I know I've alot of troubles,
I'm just forcing myself not to think of it.

Ok, I think I've said my heart out.
Unhappy post I know.
I need some fresh air.
Goodnight.